I was sent the link to a very personal take on disability today and it explains everything in such an easy way. I wish I had had it when I began this journey with cancer.
Now, before I go on with this mini rant I urge you to have a read of this wonderful article. Just exchange ‘Lupus’ with ‘Chemo’ . . .
I have to hold my spoons very close to my chest. Some days are better than others, and now thanks to my few weeks off from active treatment I have a few more spoons than usual. But last week for example I used up my allowance at the end of the week - out on Thursday evening for a meal with work friends, (resting throughout the days before and after) out on Friday evening to see a band (I had bought seats for the gig, and was eternally grateful for that!) and then a sewing workshop on Saturday.
By Sunday I was so tired I couldn’t even talk. The act of even thinking and producing a coherent sentence was too much for me and I’ve been recovering ever since. But damn it, if I don’t have times to enjoy myself then there really isn’t much point of continuing with treatment. And after all the money, time and effort people have put in to me, it seems rather ungrateful not to enjoy the time and energy I do have left.
So next time someone says to me ‘ . . .but you look so well . . .’ (the subtext being that you don’t look like you have *intake of breath* cancer) I will be able to tell them of the Spoon Theory and let them work out how many damn utensils it’s taken for me to get out of the house that day.
Rant over.
