Caves and Colds

It's been a tough week.  I came down with a cold not long after we came back from Oxford, and while for most people that would be a minor inconvenience, during chemo it can be quite scary.  My temperature shot up and my breathing became so laboured that I required oxygen over a few days.  However, I am nothing if not determined that I am not going to be dictated to by this disease or its treatments ~ so I monitored the temperature closely,  sucked on the oxygen when necessary and slowly made art!

Using some found objects I created a door way to a Faery cave.  It was so much fun!  I used stamps which I didn't press firmly on, and over stamped with watery paint to produce indistinct images. I haphazardly cut around the edges of the paper to make the foreground greenery, and then scrunched it all up in my hands before using a glue gun (!) to stick it all together. I left trails of the glue all over the place and then used sandpaper to rub down the background.  I even wound brass wire clumsily around a small shard of quartz crystal and suspended it from the cave roof, allowing it to dangle in the door way.  It was all very haphazard, and yet, oh so liberating.  Everything I normally do, from being very precise with my inks to carefully finishing off wire ends was completely forgotten.  In fact the only thing I didn't forget was the overwash of Twinkling H2O paints to give hints of faery dust and glitter when the sunlight catches the picture at certain angles.  Sparkles, as you are no doubt aware, are very important!

And you know what?  I love this piece. It is textured, layered, has meaning and depth.  And although I worked on it over several days, it also has an immediacy to it which is foreign to me.  This is a new experience and I've really enjoyed working on it.  Even the outcome is transient, as I've decided to give it back to the Universe when I feel the time is right.  I will leave it in the woodlands where I picked up most of the found objects and give thanks to the Goddess for Her timely gifts.

Of course, my energy has been depleted so my time has been focused on one thing.  Maybe next week I'll be able to do some work on my Goddess Year book.

Growth

Just because I feel I’m standing still there’s no need to think that the rest of the world is as inert as I appear to be.  A brief walk along the drive to our neighbours’ house is enough to remind me that Mother Earth is busily working away even in the midst of the cold winter. Her daffodils are shooting upwards in preparation for the annual eruption of brilliant yellows.  It is always an incredible display and one that I am looking forward to already.

The snow has gone now, although there is talk of more to come.  It almost put paid to our plans of a weekend away, but in the end we braved the cold and ice and thankfully put our faith in the train rather than trying to travel by car.  And so we made it to Oxford and the first of my Goddess Goals!     I am so proud of myself for getting there as over the past 12 months I have been admitted as an emergency into hospital 4 (or is it 5?) times.  This has meant that I’ve felt very reluctant to stray too far from the hospital just in case . . . Of course, this has hampered my wanderings around the country and limited my time with friends considerably.  This has to stop!  So, part of my Goddess Goals for this year is to Free myself from the self imposed ties to the hospital and reconnect with far flung friends.  I think I’ve made a fine start.

In the 3 days we were away, we caught up with old and new friends alike, attended a wonderful steampunk exhibition at the Museum of the History of Science and indulged in some rather fabbie food and drink. It was an interesting time as we realized how much Oxford has changed since we’d lived there (some growth, much decay) but also how much we now enjoy our life in the middle of Dartmoor.  Thinking about it afterwards, perhaps we should be looking at how much we have changed rather than that of our previous home?

And then back to the little cottage on the moor, where with great excitement I’ve begun work on the Creative Goddess course.  Already I notice the gentle reminders of grounding, cleansing, clearing and focus ~ all the things I used to do every day but gradually gave up as I needed to concentrate on this journey of discovery with cancer.  However, it’s high time I reconnected with my Goddess Self and found my fairy guides again.  We’ve been apart too long . . .  .

Tea & Cake

Just as we thought the ice had started to thaw, this afternoon we were treated to a new blizzard.  The snow was so thick that I could not see the end of the field in front of the house!  Charley Puppy was not impressed and demanded to go out for another walk, even though we’d only just returned from one.  Honestly, where does he get his energy from?  *lol*

This weather is beginning to get a bit wearing though.  I haven’t seen my district nurses for over a week now, and my cleaning ladies had to cancel for the second week in a row.  I refuse to worry about the state of my house ~ I do a bit of cleaning and tidying when I feel up to it and the snow means that no one can visit me anyway!  And I have my very own in~house doctor as a husband so treatments and dressing changes are handled very efficiently.  It’s just frustrating.  Still, my congratulations go to the postie who braved the elements today and delivered lots of letters! 

So what is a girl to do when she’s stuck in the house?  Why, bake a cake of course!

I’ve decided that there is nothing more comforting than a cup of tea and a slice of homemade cake (lime drizzle, if you’re interested) after watching your poodle zoom around the woods for half an hour! 

I also decided to work on my Goddess Year book today.  I’ve felt a little unsure about a few of the exercises ~ with more chemo and possibly further treatments in my immediate future, it seemed unreasonable to try and create a list of Goddess Habits, especially when there are days when I can’t get out of bed, or feel too exhausted to do more than sit in a chair and stare out of the window. Why set myself up for failure?  So, once again I refused to worry.  I am sure that as the year and my treatment continues, I will be able to complete those parts of the workbook that I am leaving blank right now.  But in the mean time, I concentrated on other exercises.

As you can see, I pulled out my Twinkling H20 paints and had a wonderful time making my own Affirmation Cards.  I am so pleased at how they came out and only feel disappointed that you can’t see the gorgeous shimmer of the paints on the photo.  Hey, I’m not called Sparkles for nothing you know!  *lol*

I’m also in the process of completing my Medicine bag of Tools, but once again there are so many variables in my life right now that I can honestly say it is work in progress.  The body image exercise was interesting, and not as negative as you would assume.  In fact, I have to say that I wrote on my first page just how wonderful I thought my body is, considering all that it has and is going through. 

Now bearing in mind that I've manage to delete this post 6 times already, I've come to the conclusion that the Universe is telling me not to put up a picture of those pages.  It takes a while, but I do get the hint eventually.  *lol*  So you'll just have to imagine the beautiful sparkly paints, the colours and the wonderful words that adorn those particular pages.  And in the mean time, I will happily remember my word for the year and acknowledge that I have the freedom to publish (or not) whatever I like in my own blog.

*giggles and sparkles* 

Needless to say, the cold weather continues . . . .

It's quite lovely, with all the snow glistening in the bright sunshine and a clear sky as far as the eye can see.  I have to be aware of the dangers though ~ I've already slipped once already and have a sore thigh for my efforts.  Charley Puppy was of no help whatsoever at that point.  He merely looked at me as if to say 'what are you doing on the floor mum?'

So after taking it slow on our walk around the woods and then making a fantastic mess of all that pristine snow in the field again, we came home to the warmth of our little cottage.  I settled down with a cup of tea and after lighting my Bride candle I continued with my Goddess Workbook.

I felt a little stumped the other day when I came across the exercise in choosing your Goddess Word for the year.   Of all the words in the English language, which one would I decide upon?  Which one would be right for me? What if I got it wrong? What would happen then?

I was stumped and put the work book away to ponder my options.

Then as part of my nightly wanderings on the web, I sauntered over to Michelle's Blog and there was my answer. And no, I don't mean a specific word.  :)   Michelle had posted a wonderful entry about this very problem,  and she had also linked to Christine Kane's Blog which talked about a Word Of The Year.  Scanning down Christine's list one word really did jump out at me.  I hadn't expected that, believe me!

So, I sat with it overnight, and because it was still in the forefront of my mind this morning I decided that it was meant to be.  Doesn't the Universe work in diverse ways?

 

This then is my Sacred Word for the year.

It is a huge word. It can mean many things, and I guess that is the issue for me to explore.  Do I want freedom from . . . illness, pain, difficulty breathing, lack of energy, almost weekly hospital visits?  Do I want freedom to  . . . do something new and exciting, expand my horizons, create without fears and self doubts?  Do I want freedom of  . . . movement, expression, speech?

I think I want all of these.  Actually, I know I want all of these and more.  Already I can see how this very simple workbook is making huge impressions in my outlook.  Exactly as I need it to.  Thank you Goddess Leonie for providing me with what I needed, just when I needed it.  And thank you Goddess, for working through the luscious Leonie!

Ahh, don't you just love the Universe?

Snow & Glitter

The UK is currently snowed in!  We don't do bad weather and are probably the brunt of many jokes by our

European neighbours right about now because of it. It still doesn't mitigate the fact that whenever we see a couple of snow flakes the whole country comes to a grinding halt.  And here we are with the second dump of snow in as many weeks.  Ahhh well, there are a few good things to come out of this.  Many schools are closed, a lot of people can't get in to work and my dog is deliriously happy with this cold white stuff!

Charley Puppy first saw snow just before Xmath, when we got snowed and then iced in.  He loved it. The two of us at home for several days, lots of walks and plenty of that slippery stuff to skid around in.  Today, with huge flakes coming down in blizzard like conditions, he was in his doggy heaven!  As you can see, the field was all his to roam in and he delighted in zooming around in all that virgin snow.

Perhaps I need to take a leaf out of Charley Puppy's book and delight in the immediate.  I have to say this has been the first time I've ever actually enjoyed being out in the cold.  Thanks to chemo my internal combustion has gone into over drive and now I am normally too hot ~ as opposed to the majority of my life when I've been far too cold.  Mix the newly found internal heating element with some rather fabbie winter clothing (as used by the Dartmoor Rescue Group) and I was warm whilst in the midst of a heavy snowfall, for the first time ever!

 

When we came back, it was time to play.  I have downloaded The Goddess Workbook and have been selectively printing off pages over the past few days.  This afternoon I decided it definitely needed some of the glitter treatment.  I had some sequins which I knew were around the house somewhere, and then as I was looking for them I found feathers.  Purple feathers!  *swoon*  Well, what else could I do but decorate my new journal cover with such glittery goodness?

All in all, it's been a rather lovely day and certainly one that I hope will continue in the weeks to come.   Now, what else can I do?

First Steps

So, here we are. Starting a new year with lots of ideas and hopes. My first plan is to kick start that creative fairy inside me by following one of the courses at Goddess School. This blog is going to be the outpourings from that course and anything else that comes to mind . . . and knowing me, there will be a lot of whittering!