Goddess Sparkles

Of Chemo and Silver . . . . .

2010-09-09T16:51:00.016+01:00

Willow one of the house fairies, in pensive mood

The problem with chemo therapy is that it doesn’t differentiate between your good fast growing cells and those pesky naughty ones that you want to get rid of. Which basically means that every now and then, my treatment has to be put on hold whilst my blood cells that only take a matter of days to develop and grow, are given a breather to regroup.

Following the drama of the fluid being drained from around my lung after a transfusion of platelets, treatment was postponed for two weeks. Being chemo~free is a mixed blessing. It gives my body chance to catch up, even gather a bit of energy but in the back of my mind I can feel the fingers of the disease start to claw their way out of the deep dark pit that I’ve banished the cancer in to. This illness is particularly pernicious . . .

But to keep my mind on far better and brighter thoughts, I have been working on a commission piece. The brief was quite open, to make anything that I felt appropriate for a wonderful young lady. So I asked for a ‘mood board’ to describe the recipient and this was what I produced based on the the pictures, words and ideas that I was given.

Air on a G note

Commission Brooch for a friend.

PMC+ fine silver, with hand painted slip 'G clef', hand carved staves and copper staple, riveted onto base of brooch.

Pearl and glass beads on fine silver dangles, with cotton thread and lavender quartz beads on hand made sterling silver fibula pin.

Coloured with liver of sulphur and coated with Ren Wax.

Brooch ~ approx 45mm x 27mm Fibula ~ approx 65mm

Of Autumn and Rosettes . . . .

2010-08-31T11:09:00.018+01:00

The weather is beginning to change and I don’t just mean that Autumn has arrived. Over the bank holiday weekend, we even managed to see a bit of sunlight ~ although unfortunately for my husband the one full day of great weather was spent with me in hospital. Charley spent the day at home and was none too impressed either . . .

But getting back to the Saturday before all the nasty stuff started husband, dog and I went for a short stroll on the moors. I needed to walk very, very slowly and with the help of one of my many sticks, but that didn’t stop Charley from racing ahead and sniffing at every bush, rock and piece of moorland furniture that was available. After all that excitement we needed a cup of tea and stopped off at our favourite dog friendly café in Princetown, the Fox Tor.

Then, as we were driving home the long way round we came upon signs for the local Sheep Dog Trials. If you are not familiar with this wonderfully piece of human and animal interaction, then do have a look at the wiki page which gives you loads of info.

Having been brought up on the BBC series of One Man and HisDog as a youngster, I couldn’t pass up the chance to see these amazing displays in person. So I convinced husband to stop off, and we watched several shepherds (male and female) work their beautiful dogs in the ring. Let me tell you, those sheep are sneaky little devils!

But as we were wandering around after (another) cup of tea served by the lovely ladies from the village, we were accosted by some friends to take a walk over to the other side of the field to have a look at the local dog shows. And before we knew it we had been talked in to entering Charley for the next competition! Bearing in mind we had come from a jaunt on the moor, he was a little bedraggled covered in burrs and mud, plus we hadn’t brought his grooming brush with us so we were not expecting to come anywhere in the judging.

But the expert had other ideas! Look at that proud boy (with an even prouder husband) displaying a bright red First rosette. Charley was deemed best in condition, which I’m really pleased about as you can imagine. But as the whole thing took ages, I have a feeling that his show ring career was short and sweet . . . . .

Charley was more impressed with his bag of treats than the rosette

Of Puppies and Parrots . . . .

2010-08-20T16:39:00.002+01:00

Knitting chipmunks wearing their Victorian inspired swimming costumes seems to be the closest I can get to joys of Summer right now.

Okay, what has happened to the rest of the Summer?

The weather here on Dartmoor is atrocious, with thick white mist and constant rain. Charley is staring out of the window with a look of complete disbelief wondering why he can't go outside and get completely drenched, as is obviously his right. I am wondering why the season has changed so rapidly and in the middle of August? Surely we can expect some sunshine around about now?

We've been very lucky recently, with visits from friends and a trip to meet up with Charley's family. We have kept in touch with Charley's breeder, and in fact have become friends with Jane and her household of many animals. When we knew that two of her poodles were about to give birth, we offered to selflessly pop over and help 'socialise' them prior to their departure to their new families. So, one afternoon 2 weeks ago we drove over to Newton Abbot and along with Charley, met up with 16 standard poodle pups. It was adorable!

A puddle of poodle pups, 6 weeks old

Charley was congratulated on dealing so well with all the puppies but really made it plain he wasn't into the youngsters, although the three kittens did hold his attention. He was far happier though being with his mum and sister ~ although you can see from his sisters face that she wasn't too keen on being photographed right then!

We've also had a couple of visits from the ever fabbie KnitNurse and her wonderful travelling parrot! Pippa gets rather bored and now has a swish backpack cage so she can accompany her owner on trips out and about. It is a bijou travel case, just perfect for those times when you want to nip along to see a friend or two . .

Needless to say Charley was very interested in Pippa. And luckily she reciprocated with lots of wolf whistles and calls. It seems that these two are going to be the best of buddies . . . . .

Of Treatments and Creating . . .

2010-07-29T12:27:00.002+01:00

Playing with the macro setting

It’s been a tough month. My breathing got so bad that I needed the fluid removed from around my lung. It wasn’t a nice experience, but after a few days I felt the benefit and whilst it is building up again I’m able to breathe fairly easily most of the time now.

Then the chemo had an enforced rest for 3 weeks. I had the usual week off after 6 continuous treatments, but afterwards my body didn’t bounce back as quickly as usual and the chemo needed to be halted until my bloods showed I was ready to take the onslaught yet again. It’s been frustrating mainly because I actually felt quite well, but now that I am back on the regime again with the lack of energy, nausea and hot flushes I am beginning to wonder why I got so annoyed at not having the Toilet Cleaner™?

See, I’m never satisfied . . .

But I have been making things. Little things that can be picked up and put down easily whenever I have the attention span and the energy to make them.

I was asked to make some crocheted granny squares for the delightful Vicky who is making a friendship blanket for P. I was honoured to take part in this collaboration and it reminded me just how much I enjoy crocheting. I have ideas of making my own blanket at some point . . . .

The fabbie and dangerous Melted Rachel and I entered in to a DeCluttering challenge last week and whilst I lagged behind quite dreadfully, as part of the clearing of my desk I managed to complete a couple of projects that had been lying around for months, one of which was this textile box which during its construction had broken several needles, my sewing machine and my patience! Having finally completed it, I was more than happy to send it out as a birthday present to another lovely friend. In the mean time Flame Thrower Rachel and I are still DeCluttering our lives and our work desks . . .

And remember that lovely little knitted chipmunk? Well, the KnitNurse sent me the pattern and not content with making one, I actually made two of them. :) Plus, as part of a Knit A Long challenge on Ravelry, I made a 1920’s swimming costume for Twitch who has now happily gone to live with the KnitNurse and her menagerie of many animals. I hope that they will all get along together . .

Doesn’t Twitch look dapper?

Of Metal Clay and other Worlds . . .

2010-06-26T16:27:00.000+01:00

One of my metal clay hollow beads

And now time for a serious post . . .

An online blog buddy is having a rough time right now, having spent the last 10 years trying to speak up for the ‘small people’ who are coming into the new world of Metal Clay. I admire Kate Mckinnon for her determination and doggedness to make her voice heard in a closed knit world where one or two others are the be all and end all of the Metal Clay Universe. I am in awe of Kate's personal crusade to make this wonderful material as safe as possible for everyone ~ and as someone with a much reduced immune system, that is most definitely me she is talking about.

10 years ago, I wish I had had the determination and candour to do the same. My position was very different, being the voluntary chairwoman of a Science Fantasy convention, but our paths were similar in that we both had information. However unlike Kate, I chose to keep the info I had very close to my chest in an attempt not to involve the general fandom and get into a very public fight. When the convention was heading into obvious overdraft, I took the very difficult decision to pull the plug and cancel it for that year. A lot of people were disappointed ~ I was devastated but I felt it better to do that than to have a convention that was going to be £20 000+ in debt. I walked away with my head held high, but left my reputation in tatters and have never been able to read or enjoy the books since as the bad taste has never left my mouth.

What I wish is that I was more like Kate. That I had decided that everyone needed to know all the details; of the fact that I had inherited a convention from the previous chairman that was already in debt, strangely enough by the exact amount of money that had been generously donated by the convention goers to the charities from the previous cons. That the charity money only got paid by the generosity of the major personality of the convention, but the deal was that that was never to happen again and by the way, he wasn't going to help in anyway whatsoever from then on. That the other personalities were all at loggerheads with each other, and that the whole thing seemed to be a battle of epic proportions where one slight misheard comment could cause a catastrophic engagement of wills.

I had walked into the position with such high hopes, looking forward to challenging myself with new experiences and having a great time doing it with so many friends at my side. I walked away with nothing but head and heart ache and an inherent distrust for the cult of celebrity. The major celebrity then happily went back to working with the previous chairman. I only worked on the convention for a few years, so I cannot imagine how Kate has maintained momentum to continue her work for 10 whole years. Admittedly this is her career choice, whilst mine was a voluntary position alongside my full time job as a theatre nurse, but still the continuous barrage of negative criticism? I only had that behind closed doors and never in the public arena ~ at least, not until I cancelled the convention. In retrospect I wish I had included the fans but I wanted to attain the moral high ground. 10 years on, it's not done me any good. Mostly I can ignore that part of my life, (no matter that it was such a huge part of it at the time) but there are moments when it comes back to haunt me.

Kate's crusade has reminded me of so much. I applaud her and wish her the strength to continue as long as is necessary. For all those people who don't know what is going on, there is always so much more than you will ever know. So you don't like the way things are being portrayed? Get used to it. Life is unfair, and there are as many ways to say something as there are beings on this planet. Just because you don't like what is being said and the way it is being said, doesn't mean that it is wrong. Listen with an open mind, research on your own, question and only when you have the facts in front of you, make a decision.

Take responsibility for yourself.

Be a responsible individual.

Surprise Guest!

2010-06-20T14:22:00.001+01:00

Surprise Guest!
Originally uploaded by purple_ebren

I know it's meant to be unlucky when a bird flies into your house, but to be honest it was more of an inconvenience for this young woodpecker than anything else. He was most indignant at being handled, and I got the woodpecker 'yak!' when I released him.

Not particularly Professor Yaffle material at all . . . (and if you don't know what I mean by that, then you need to look up Bagpuss on Wikipedia! *chuckle*)

Of Strawberries and the Seaside . . .

2010-06-14T16:54:00.002+01:00

Tiny wild strawberry in my garden

The summer is almost here, although there are days when the sun flies away for a while and you begin to imagine you’ve imagined it all . . .

I’m getting back into the swing of hospitals, chemo and regular tests again. This time it’s weekly treatment, which means that at least one day a week is completely eaten up with waiting for pharmacy or nurses. Every department is short staffed and I’ve already had one treatment delayed for 24 hours because they didn’t have enough people available to give me the appropriate toilet cleaner (aka chemotherapy!).

Last Friday I ended up spending another afternoon at the hospital thanks to a combination of 2 hour wait for an Oncology appointment, a chest x-ray and then the scheduled MRI. All in all it was a long day, and that was on top of the usual treatment day. But, I’ve got in to the habit of wearing my fabby new earrings, putting a bit of sparkle on my face and donning my most colourful clothing whenever I have to go to the hospital. I make it an event and that way it is not the trial that it could turn in to . . .

In between days, whenever I’m not too nauseated I’ve been enjoying myself. We went to the beach for a few hours last week where Charley had a great time not going into the sea! For a water dog he is surprising disinterested in the water . . .

I was typically overdressed, complete in hat, long sleeved t-shirt and fleece, but I wasn’t as bad as the lady in the fur boots who was sitting between the bikini clad grokkles! *lol*

The previous weekend, I managed to pass my Art Clay Certification Level 1. Not I hasten to add because I want to join the teaching pyramid scheme that it seems to be, but as an add on to the Diploma in Silver Metal Clay Proficiency that I already have through the MidCornwall School of Jewellery. When I complete the 2nd level I can convert the qualification to a Higher Diploma. It’s something I have been working on over the last 4 years and I am pleased that the majority of it has been completed during this illness.

I am nothing if not determined!

But oh, the course itself was a pain. We had no input in to the projects themselves as these were set down by the Art Clay company, and to be honest I just completed the items and felt no love for any of them. Thank goodness there was no deduction of marks due to clunky rings, unpleasant brooches or naff earrings! *lol* Now that I am home, I can remake these pieces whenever I want, but please don’t expect me to publish the awful original pieces here ~ I am far too embarrassed!

And yes, that was another item in my Goddess year book. I'm achieving so many of my goals even with the burden of illness.

Of Letters and Parcels . . . .

2010-05-18T17:12:00.000+01:00

Hallmark#19
Originally uploaded by VickieHallmark

It was a brilliant day. I received two things in the post yesterday that weren't bills! *lol*

The first was a beautifully wrapped parcel all the way from the States from the wonderful Vickie Hallmark. I'd won these delightful pair of earrings from her and I couldn't have been more happy when I opened the parcel. Let me tell you, they are gorgeous, delicate and perfectly made. They will be put to very good use when I attend chemo next week. :)

The second was a letter from the local Special Care Baby Unit. I'd popped along there last week when I attended my Oncology appointment. I have been busily knitting tiny mittens and purpose made hats for the premature babies in the Unit. I really just dropped the package and left, which made the letter I received all the more poignant. How lovely to know that something I've made will be used by those tiny souls just starting out on their lives, and even more humbling to know that their anxious parents will feel the love of someone completely unrelated to the Unit.

Of course, the eco warrior in me is delighted that I was able to use up loads of odds and ends of sock wool to make this little collection of goodies. Waste not, want not . . .

Of Poodles and Coffee . . .

2010-05-03T18:16:00.001+01:00

It wasn’t meant to happen quite like it did, in fact it almost didn’t happen at all. We had discussed waking up early to celebrate Beltaine Morn at the local stone circle and when we heard that there was going to be a public ceremony there too as part of the musical festival in the market town, we thought we might like to go and be part of that.

But the early morning start wasn’t inviting at all.

So when the alarm went off at 4.45 am I was all for turning over and going back to sleep, with promises to the Goddess to make amends later on during the day. Oh, I am a bad Pagan. But my dog had other ideas. He decided that it was indeed a good time to get up and he can be really persuasive when he wants to be! So we got up out of a lovely warm bed, just as the dawn chorus was getting into full throttle and made a thermos of coffee (which was promptly forgotten and left in the kitchen!) and at just after 5.30am we left the house to drive to the stone circle. Seconds later, a beautiful deer crossed the road in front of our car, leaping easily over the dry stone walls. Amazing.

As we drove higher up on to the Moor, the mist thickened and I wondered if we’d walk straight past the stones by mistake. But the others had gathered before us and we heard them way before we saw them ghosting through the whiteness. It was stunning. And whilst I couldn’t take part in everything that occurred, being awake so early on Beltaine Morn, thanking the Goddess for Her abundance whilst listening to the sky larks and watching the mist disappearing to reveal buzzards wheeling above our heads, was a magical way to honour the passing of the Wheel of the Year.

As we departed, I left my offerings in the circle and when we got home we drank that thermos of coffee. It would have been lovely to drink it in the rain at the stones, but it was even nicer to enjoy it in the warm, indoors.

Of Creative Expressions . . .

2010-04-16T18:30:00.002+01:00

Aren't these girls just adorable? I've been knitting up a storm recently. It's kept my hands busy, even if my mind has been wandering somewhat with The Chemo Tireds™. But my attention span has been very limited so these lovely bunny sisters have taken far longer than necessary to complete. Not to worry ~ they are now on their way to a friend who is selling them on behalf of several Cancer charities and a local hospice.

A huge thank you to the designer of the bunny pattern, the lovely Barbara Prime who is more than happy for people to sell their creations made with her gorgeous patterns,especially for a good cause. Go check out her blog and coo at the cuddly chipmunks! :)

~~Oh and if anyone wants to make my day, do buy me her chippie knitting pattern. I'd be really grateful. *w~~ink*

Ohh, I should be careful what I wish for! The wonderful Knitnurse read my blog and I came back to a cute little chipmunk pattern yesterday. Thank you sweetie ~ *Mwaaaaaaaah*

Next up, I finished the Month of Earrings!

WooHoo!!!!

1. Newest Favs, 2. MOE ~ Ebren No. 2, 3. MOE ~ Ebren No. 3, 4. MOE ~ Ebren No. 4

It was a bit of a struggle, especially with being tired 'n' all but the feeling of completion once it was all done was amazing. It proved to me that I can still do things ~ and creative ones too.

BTW if you see a pair you like, then do drop me a line. A few have been sold already the rest are available if anyone is interested.

So, that's basically what I've been doing for the last few weeks. Resting when necessary, creating lovely things and then a trip up to see my folks on the other side of the country. Another tick in my Goddess Year Book. Go me. :)

Now I'm waiting for my next MRI scan and then it's back to chemo. Ho hum . . .

Of Spoons and Rants . . .

2010-03-17T16:54:00.000Z

I was sent the link to a very personal take on disability today and it explains everything in such an easy way. I wish I had had it when I began this journey with cancer.

Now, before I go on with this mini rant I urge you to have a read of this wonderful article. Just exchange ‘Lupus’ with ‘Chemo’ . . .

The Spoon Theory

I have to hold my spoons very close to my chest. Some days are better than others, and now thanks to my few weeks off from active treatment I have a few more spoons than usual. But last week for example I used up my allowance at the end of the week - out on Thursday evening for a meal with work friends, (resting throughout the days before and after) out on Friday evening to see a band (I had bought seats for the gig, and was eternally grateful for that!) and then a sewing workshop on Saturday.

By Sunday I was so tired I couldn’t even talk. The act of even thinking and producing a coherent sentence was too much for me and I’ve been recovering ever since. But damn it, if I don’t have times to enjoy myself then there really isn’t much point of continuing with treatment. And after all the money, time and effort people have put in to me, it seems rather ungrateful not to enjoy the time and energy I do have left.

So next time someone says to me ‘ . . .but you look so well . . .’ (the subtext being that you don’t look like you have *intake of breath* cancer) I will be able to tell them of the Spoon Theory and let them work out how many damn utensils it’s taken for me to get out of the house that day.

Rant over.

Of Gifts and Haircuts . . .

2010-03-11T16:41:00.001Z

A wonderful friend sent me a very special parcel this week. In it she placed a beautiful knitted shawl which she'd made just for me and a lovely butterfly brooch. How perfect.

Then Charley had a traumatic experience. This was him before . . .

. . . and then afterwards he looked like this . . .

Now he didn't seem that bothered by the lack of gorgeous fluffy fur, it was more a trauma for me to be honest!

Doesn't he look smart?

Of Brave Warrior Freedom Fighters . .

2010-03-07T16:32:00.002Z

This month, I became a Freedom Fighter!

I had to deal with a situation which had arisen during my last chemo treatment 6 weeks previously. The ways in which I was dealing with my own treatment was called into question by a member of the oncology unit, in a completely unprofessional manner at a totally inappropriate moment. The whole thing stunned me and made me very depressed for several weeks. It was so uncalled for and came out of the blue - needless to say I was unprepared for it. When you are already in a weakened state physically and emotionally this is the last thing you need, believe me.

What made me all the more surprised was the fact that I let it affect me so much. After much thought and talking to my Macmillan nurse about it, I decided to take things into my own hands. So I went and had a chat quietly with the nurse in charge of the unit. I needed to write down what I intended to say as, thanks to treatment I have what is lovingly called ‘Chemo Brain’ by us patients, which basically means that I have cotton wool instead of the quick thinking organ that I used to have. My written piece went along the lines of

This Is What Happened,

This Is How It Made Me Feel,

This Is What I Would Like Done About It.

I was so nervous when I spoke my piece. Goodness knows why, but after living with this for 6 weeks I had got myself really worked up. But the nurse in charge was brilliant. Oh, if only I’d been able to talk to her at the time! She was so supportive, apologized repeatedly for the incident (although as I pointed out to her, it wasn’t up to her to do so) and has promised to deal with everything as I have requested.

I walked out of the unit feeling so Free! I had been living under the shadow of the original incident and someone else’s assumptions for weeks - all of which was totally inappropriate, not to mention rude and highly unprofessional. I had suffered weeks of depression because I had let the words of someone who should have known better effect my state of mind. Well, thanks to being the determined Goddess that I am, and with the support of my Goddess Year Book and the Goddess Kali ringing in my ears, I dealt with it quietly and with dignity. I hope I’ve ensured that no other patient will have to go through what I had to at the Unit on that day.

I needed to be reminded of the Freedom I have to be me.

I fought for me. I feel like a Warrior!

Of Stones and Yarn . . .

2010-02-28T19:20:00.002Z

Stone Art

I do love my Goddess work book.

Whilst I haven’t been at my best over the past couple of weeks (the Chemo Tireds™ seem to hit me at the latter end of each week) I have been able to cross off a couple more Goddess Wishes. Last weekend my lovely husband declared we would go stone chasing ~ gently. So he planned a little outing down to Cornwall, where we ‘discovered’ the Duloe

stone circle. It is Cornwall’s smallest stone circle and luckily for me, just off the road. I found it a beautiful, welcoming sacred site and full of gentle energy.

Spot the poodle!

Then we went to the local well, also just off the road. St Cuby’s well

is an ancient spring which was Xtianised during the medieval era. It certainly oozes pagan charm and apparently I’m not the only one who sensed it as was proved by the offerings left between the stones in the inner chamber. Apparently the well is still ‘dressed’ each year too. :)

Then this weekend, once The Tireds™ had left me alone again, we managed to take the puppy (can I still call him that?) to one of the beaches on the coast just south of us. Charley had a wonderful time meeting new friends, diving in and out of the surf and chasing a flung tennis ball around. Of course, it didn’t actually have to be his toy that he was chasing . . .

During those times when I felt too exhausted to do anything I’ve been sitting and resting. It’s been depressing that I can’t actually do much even whilst I’m sitting down though. The impetus just hasn’t been there, but when I can put my mind to things I am to knitting a bit. I’ve asked the designers of two patterns if they would mind if I made a couple of their items for a charity event in the summer. Generously they have both said yes, so watch this space for photos to come . . .

And talking about knitting, look what the postie brought me ~ a wonderful package!

This fabbie hand knitted moebius cowl came from the ever so gorgeous and very talented Crobbles. And it is as warm and snugly as you imagine it is. *I'm a toasty Ebren*

So whilst I might grind my teeth in frustration over the lack of my own activity, I am doing things. They just tend to be small things, done ever so slowly . And as a reminder of the power of gentle things, I wrote my Goddess Word in the sand yesterday . . .

. . . and watched as the sea tenderly wiped the beach clear.

It was a hint from the Goddess Domnu that I don’t have to be a Warrior Goddess at all times. Sometimes, I just need to Be . . . .

Of Chocolate, Daffs and a Very Special Birthday . . .

2010-02-19T20:31:00.002Z

Isn’t it wonderful?

The snowdrops are in full peal and yet already we have the beginnings of the annual daffodil extravaganza. Today, whilst dodging between the snow and rain showers I captured this wonderful flower against the only bit of blue sky we had all morning. The afternoon wasn’t much better but I was resting on the sofa having tired myself out again, so didn’t really worry too much about the state of the weather. Apparently we are going to have more snow . . .

But what an auspicious day it was today! One year ago our adorable standard poodle was born and although we didn’t know it until several weeks later, one of the litter of 10 puppies was destined to become Charley.

He has grown into a really wonderful companion, although currently he has the body of an adult and the attitude of a youngster. And that’s very apparent when he comes bounding up to a new friend, whether human or canine! This morning, as he romped around the field I couldn’t help but laugh when he returned to me covered in mud following a particularly energetic encounter with a mole hill. He’s still my puppy no matter how old he is . . .

This week I had a lovely treat. Having donned my favourite jacket and smothered myself in glitter (but of course!) the ever wonderful KnitNurse took me out for a foray in to the world of wool skeins and hot chocolate. We perused, and in her case purchased, some lovely tactile fluffy goodness before partaking of a local coffee/bookshop where I was introduced somewhat intimately, to the resident feline. *smile*

The hot chocolate was yummy and the chat delightful whilst we knitted away and probably amused the bookshop owner with our muttered oaths when stitches didn’t follow the perfectly ordered patterns . . . As I’ve said before, knitting, talking and drinking tea (or in this case hot chocolate with lashings of cream and choccie flakes!) is my perfect way to spend time with a friend.

Big hugs and thanks to the KnitNurse. :)

BTW I have to end with this picture, seeing as the birthday boy managed to squeeze in the background so beautifully.

Isn't it just full of fun?

Thoughts of Ginger and Wool

2010-02-13T15:49:00.005Z

I’m such a lucky girlie!

These fabbie sweets arrived for me last week only days before the wonderful friend who’d found them arrived to spend a couple of days with us here in the Cottage. I’m rather partial to ginger, even more so since taking chemotherapy. Of course, there are quite a range of ways of eating the heavenly stuff and believe me I’ve tried pretty much every one! Ice cream is way up there as a favourite with stem ginger being quite low on my list (too much sugar around the ginger) so it’s been a self penned challenge for my friend to find me other ways of eating what I like and which also happens to avoid the nausea that comes with treatment. These hard boiled sweets are delightful. Just enough ginger zing, with the right amount of sweetness ~ and they last quite a while too. Unluckily for my friend, I’ve just completed this round of treatment and I doubt very much these treats will last until April when I start again! Still, she did send me two packets . . . *lol*

BTW we had a great time together. Lots of drinking tea, knitting and talking. The best type of visits include at least one of these I find . .

We were both knitting for another friend who gave birth a bit earlier than anticipated. There aren’t many places to buy clothes for teeny tots 11weeks premature, so we decided to be creative e~aunties and have been busily clicking needles for baby D. This hat is adorable, and I thoroughly enjoyed making it. It is divided up into segments and each petal can be unbuttoned so that you can feed the oxygen lines down through it. What a brilliant idea!

I’ve been returning slowly to my Goddess Workbook too.

There were photos to stick into gaps, and lots of written additions to earlier pages. I also decided to tackle the Goddess Habits page, which I’d been shying away from if the truth be told. With the end of the last round of treatment I feel I might be able to structure my days a little from now on, so I started to write a few ideas down. I was so pleased with the results I then made up another page with my habits which I’ve pinned on to my notice board. I’m pleased to report that I’ve been able to follow most of the points each day ever since.

Isn’t it amazing what you can do with a little energy and Goddess help?

Slow Days and Snow Drops

2010-02-08T21:28:00.000Z

I've been slow, tired and generally unmotivated in the past week. All to be expected really, but it does frustrate me when there is so much to do.

I had a lovely quiet Imbolc, where I remade my altar and lit candles for the Goddess Bride. Yesterday I picked some of the emerging snow drops that have been poking their heads above the cold soil and placed a small bunch by my Goddess statue. It isn't much, but I feel comforted by the small signs of passing of the Winter days.

Crafting and creativity is slow and halting. I've been making a few pieces for the Month of Earrings challenge and briefly wondered if I should put any of them up for sale? I've let my little Folksy shop slide over the past few months, but I think if I make some sets that I particularly like then I will list them. After all, I could potentially end up with 30 pairs and as much as I love earrings, I doubt I'll be able to wear all of them! *lol*

My Goddess workbook has been gently resting too, although I feel its call now. I guess I'm feeling a little stronger as I really want to get back to it and that is the perfect thing to do. Tomorrow is going to be a day of slowly catching up, which will be perfect too.

Pictures

2010-01-30T19:38:00.001Z

I had chemo this week, so have felt rough and very out of sorts. No new artwork was created, other than a bit of knitting so I've decided to show you some of my other pieces made recently.

A pair of earrings made in PMC and finished with beautiful grey pearls, a gift from a lovely friend. The texture is my own, also created specifically for my fine silver work. I now am the proud owner of a kiln, so will be making more of these pieces as time progresses . . . I've been working with PMC for about 5 years now and have a creative diploma in it. I love the way it is so malleable, and is so striking even with a minimal amount of preparation. Of course, I'm never happy with anything less than lots of finishing . . .

One of the courses I attended last year was with Robert Dancik who is the creator of FauxBone™ a rather interesting plastic substance that will put up with just about anything you can throw at it! This is one of my last pieces, based on a steam punk theme. Lots of layers, cold connections and interest.

And finally, one of my Rivet Bracelets. Made in Sterling Silver, knotted together with waxed cotton and embellished with copper rivets and random texture. These guys are about 5 x 10 cm in length and are lovely and weighty. I've made several of them now, and they've all gone down really well. :)

I did manage to go out for a short walk yesterday in the moonlight. She was full and beautiful, and I really hope that I absorbed a bit of energy from Her ~ goodness, I could really do with it . . .

Caves and Colds

2010-01-23T20:39:00.002Z

It's been a tough week. I came down with a cold not long after we came back from Oxford, and while for most people that would be a minor inconvenience, during chemo it can be quite scary. My temperature shot up and my breathing became so laboured that I required oxygen over a few days. However, I am nothing if not determined that I am not going to be dictated to by this disease or its treatments ~ so I monitored the temperature closely, sucked on the oxygen when necessary and slowly made art!

Using some found objects I created a door way to a Faery cave. It was so much fun! I used stamps which I didn't press firmly on, and over stamped with watery paint to produce indistinct images. I haphazardly cut around the edges of the paper to make the foreground greenery, and then scrunched it all up in my hands before using a glue gun (!) to stick it all together. I left trails of the glue all over the place and then used sandpaper to rub down the background. I even wound brass wire clumsily around a small shard of quartz crystal and suspended it from the cave roof, allowing it to dangle in the door way. It was all very haphazard, and yet, oh so liberating. Everything I normally do, from being very precise with my inks to carefully finishing off wire ends was completely forgotten. In fact the only thing I didn't forget was the overwash of Twinkling H2O paints to give hints of faery dust and glitter when the sunlight catches the picture at certain angles. Sparkles, as you are no doubt aware, are very important!

And you know what? I love this piece. It is textured, layered, has meaning and depth. And although I worked on it over several days, it also has an immediacy to it which is foreign to me. This is a new experience and I've really enjoyed working on it. Even the outcome is transient, as I've decided to give it back to the Universe when I feel the time is right. I will leave it in the woodlands where I picked up most of the found objects and give thanks to the Goddess for Her timely gifts.

Of course, my energy has been depleted so my time has been focused on one thing. Maybe next week I'll be able to do some work on my Goddess Year book.

Growth

2010-01-18T21:41:00.000Z

Just because I feel I’m standing still there’s no need to think that the rest of the world is as inert as I appear to be. A brief walk along the drive to our neighbours’ house is enough to remind me that Mother Earth is busily working away even in the midst of the cold winter. Her daffodils are shooting upwards in preparation for the annual eruption of brilliant yellows. It is always an incredible display and one that I am looking forward to already.

The snow has gone now, although there is talk of more to come. It almost put paid to our plans of a weekend away, but in the end we braved the cold and ice and thankfully put our faith in the train rather than trying to travel by car. And so we made it to Oxford and the first of my Goddess Goals! I am so proud of myself for getting there as over the past 12 months I have been admitted as an emergency into hospital 4 (or is it 5?) times. This has meant that I’ve felt very reluctant to stray too far from the hospital just in case . . . Of course, this has hampered my wanderings around the country and limited my time with friends considerably. This has to stop! So, part of my Goddess Goals for this year is to Free myself from the self imposed ties to the hospital and reconnect with far flung friends. I think I’ve made a fine start.

In the 3 days we were away, we caught up with old and new friends alike, attended a wonderful steampunk exhibition at the Museum of the History of Science and indulged in some rather fabbie food and drink. It was an interesting time as we realized how much Oxford has changed since we’d lived there (some growth, much decay) but also how much we now enjoy our life in the middle of Dartmoor. Thinking about it afterwards, perhaps we should be looking at how much we have changed rather than that of our previous home?

And then back to the little cottage on the moor, where with great excitement I’ve begun work on the Creative Goddess course. Already I notice the gentle reminders of grounding, cleansing, clearing and focus ~ all the things I used to do every day but gradually gave up as I needed to concentrate on this journey of discovery with cancer. However, it’s high time I reconnected with my Goddess Self and found my fairy guides again. We’ve been apart too long . . . .

Tea & Cake

2010-01-12T19:57:00.000Z

Just as we thought the ice had started to thaw, this afternoon we were treated to a new blizzard. The snow was so thick that I could not see the end of the field in front of the house! Charley Puppy was not impressed and demanded to go out for another walk, even though we’d only just returned from one. Honestly, where does he get his energy from? *lol*

This weather is beginning to get a bit wearing though. I haven’t seen my district nurses for over a week now, and my cleaning ladies had to cancel for the second week in a row. I refuse to worry about the state of my house ~ I do a bit of cleaning and tidying when I feel up to it and the snow means that no one can visit me anyway! And I have my very own in~house doctor as a husband so treatments and dressing changes are handled very efficiently. It’s just frustrating. Still, my congratulations go to the postie who braved the elements today and delivered lots of letters!

So what is a girl to do when she’s stuck in the house? Why, bake a cake of course!

I’ve decided that there is nothing more comforting than a cup of tea and a slice of homemade cake (lime drizzle, if you’re interested) after watching your poodle zoom around the woods for half an hour!

I also decided to work on my Goddess Year book today. I’ve felt a little unsure about a few of the exercises ~ with more chemo and possibly further treatments in my immediate future, it seemed unreasonable to try and create a list of Goddess Habits, especially when there are days when I can’t get out of bed, or feel too exhausted to do more than sit in a chair and stare out of the window. Why set myself up for failure? So, once again I refused to worry. I am sure that as the year and my treatment continues, I will be able to complete those parts of the workbook that I am leaving blank right now. But in the mean time, I concentrated on other exercises.

As you can see, I pulled out my Twinkling H20 paints and had a wonderful time making my own Affirmation Cards. I am so pleased at how they came out and only feel disappointed that you can’t see the gorgeous shimmer of the paints on the photo. Hey, I’m not called Sparkles for nothing you know! *lol*

I’m also in the process of completing my Medicine bag of Tools, but once again there are so many variables in my life right now that I can honestly say it is work in progress. The body image exercise was interesting, and not as negative as you would assume. In fact, I have to say that I wrote on my first page just how wonderful I thought my body is, considering all that it has and is going through.

Now bearing in mind that I've manage to delete this post 6 times already, I've come to the conclusion that the Universe is telling me not to put up a picture of those pages. It takes a while, but I do get the hint eventually. *lol* So you'll just have to imagine the beautiful sparkly paints, the colours and the wonderful words that adorn those particular pages. And in the mean time, I will happily remember my word for the year and acknowledge that I have the freedom to publish (or not) whatever I like in my own blog.

*giggles and sparkles*

2010-01-07T21:35:00.000Z

Needless to say, the cold weather continues . . . .

It's quite lovely, with all the snow glistening in the bright sunshine and a clear sky as far as the eye can see. I have to be aware of the dangers though ~ I've already slipped once already and have a sore thigh for my efforts. Charley Puppy was of no help whatsoever at that point. He merely looked at me as if to say 'what are you doing on the floor mum?'

So after taking it slow on our walk around the woods and then making a fantastic mess of all that pristine snow in the field again, we came home to the warmth of our little cottage. I settled down with a cup of tea and after lighting my Bride candle I continued with my Goddess Workbook.

I felt a little stumped the other day when I came across the exercise in choosing your Goddess Word for the year. Of all the words in the English language, which one would I decide upon? Which one would be right for me? What if I got it wrong? What would happen then?

I was stumped and put the work book away to ponder my options.

Then as part of my nightly wanderings on the web, I sauntered over to Michelle's Blog and there was my answer. And no, I don't mean a specific word. :) Michelle had posted a wonderful entry about this very problem, and she had also linked to Christine Kane's Blog which talked about a Word Of The Year. Scanning down Christine's list one word really did jump out at me. I hadn't expected that, believe me!

So, I sat with it overnight, and because it was still in the forefront of my mind this morning I decided that it was meant to be. Doesn't the Universe work in diverse ways?

This then is my Sacred Word for the year.

It is a huge word. It can mean many things, and I guess that is the issue for me to explore. Do I want freedom from . . . illness, pain, difficulty breathing, lack of energy, almost weekly hospital visits? Do I want freedom to . . . do something new and exciting, expand my horizons, create without fears and self doubts? Do I want freedom of . . . movement, expression, speech?

I think I want all of these. Actually, I know I want all of these and more. Already I can see how this very simple workbook is making huge impressions in my outlook. Exactly as I need it to. Thank you Goddess Leonie for providing me with what I needed, just when I needed it. And thank you Goddess, for working through the luscious Leonie!

Ahh, don't you just love the Universe?

Snow & Glitter

2010-01-05T16:33:00.004Z

The UK is currently snowed in! We don't do bad weather and are probably the brunt of many jokes by our

European neighbours right about now because of it. It still doesn't mitigate the fact that whenever we see a couple of snow flakes the whole country comes to a grinding halt. And here we are with the second dump of snow in as many weeks. Ahhh well, there are a few good things to come out of this. Many schools are closed, a lot of people can't get in to work and my dog is deliriously happy with this cold white stuff!

Charley Puppy first saw snow just before Xmath, when we got snowed and then iced in. He loved it. The two of us at home for several days, lots of walks and plenty of that slippery stuff to skid around in. Today, with huge flakes coming down in blizzard like conditions, he was in his doggy heaven! As you can see, the field was all his to roam in and he delighted in zooming around in all that virgin snow.

Perhaps I need to take a leaf out of Charley Puppy's book and delight in the immediate. I have to say this has been the first time I've ever actually enjoyed being out in the cold. Thanks to chemo my internal combustion has gone into over drive and now I am normally too hot ~ as opposed to the majority of my life when I've been far too cold. Mix the newly found internal heating element with some rather fabbie winter clothing (as used by the Dartmoor Rescue Group) and I was warm whilst in the midst of a heavy snowfall, for the first time ever!

When we came back, it was time to play. I have downloaded The Goddess Workbook and have been selectively printing off pages over the past few days. This afternoon I decided it definitely needed some of the glitter treatment. I had some sequins which I knew were around the house somewhere, and then as I was looking for them I found feathers. Purple feathers! *swoon* Well, what else could I do but decorate my new journal cover with such glittery goodness?

All in all, it's been a rather lovely day and certainly one that I hope will continue in the weeks to come. Now, what else can I do?

First Steps

2010-01-05T13:59:00.000Z

So, here we are. Starting a new year with lots of ideas and hopes. My first plan is to kick start that creative fairy inside me by following one of the courses at Goddess School. This blog is going to be the outpourings from that course and anything else that comes to mind . . . and knowing me, there will be a lot of whittering!